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  • Laniese Wallace

Dick Appointments: STI & COVID Results Required

I did a thing last week and had the opportunity of submitting this piece to a magazine I love. Their content is similar to mine and I could still talk about sex! So instead of writing you all a fantastic story, I wanted to share my thoughts about dick appointments and how the Rona has potentially affected what was once “a normal dick appointment”. Enjoy!


Have you ever had someone send you their STI results and COVID results that you were currently having sex with and thought wow, is this the new fucking normal?


Maybe you have experienced this or have yet to be in this position as we are adjusting to life as we know it, with COVID floating around. Moments like these really put things into perspective. Now a condom may not be enough? Latex is annoying! I want to feel you. Keep me moaning! Of course before all of this, that was a risk one was willing to take. Every six months I get tested as recommended, so I know that I am safe.

Having a sexual partner that is on the same page and willing to get tested regularly is something to be thankful for. Asking seems like pulling teeth, things get awkward, or most young people simply do not go until the itch or the burn starts. With vaccinations underway and a negative COVID result proving it is safe to kiss you, should the expectation of STI testing become more prevalent so that we know it is safe to fuck one another?


As young people trying to make it in this world, we have enough to worry about. Then your current partner sends you that shit. It takes you by surprise, but I guess in a good way…it is almost like can I see your ID please? Aka your tests results.

Catching some shit is not the vibe these days. Trust and cleanliness seem to be the hottest topics as we enter 2021. The course of events this year has already taken many of us by surprise and the last thing we need is a surprise from our partner. Spare me a trip to the clinic please and thank you. Though we need all the positivity we can get, negatives across the board is the name of the game.


Having sex with someone pre-COVID living wild and free sharing juices and saliva like no tomorrow may become what we called “fun” a memory of the past. Or will this all die down and we can get back to it? Who knew 2020 would be the start of questioning what protection should be outside of a condom. If using one was even thought of before penetration honestly. We all love a little raw action.

Who knew that sharing your body with someone meant potentially catching the fucking Rona too! There are so many questions and concerns, where do we turn and how do we go about it? Do we say fuck it and get it in anyway?

STI testing and sharing those results, to each is their own, but are we facing a time where a negative COVID result is also necessary to put one at ease mentally? We are in a crazy time where the lack of a human touch is genuinely affecting some of us. Yearning to lay with someone, or on top of someone in this case is a feeling most of us hypersexual beings may not have had to face head on before.


Struggling between I need some dick today and have you been getting COVID tested regularly is a real thing. True question is can we enjoy sex without wondering if we are going to get sick or catch some shit? Will normalizing testing become something people are willing to discuss? The current thoughts of a single hypersexual woman that really just needs her tits rubbed and sucked mixed with a good fuck!

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